


Tell Me Honestly (How You Feel)

by Cleonhart, owarijanai



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, blowjob, everyone else knows of course, let him confess taeyong, lots of mutual things, mark just wants to confess, mutual handjobs, taeyong being an oblivious idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 16:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14312355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleonhart/pseuds/Cleonhart, https://archiveofourown.org/users/owarijanai/pseuds/owarijanai
Summary: Mark wants to tell Taeyong how he feels, but Taeyong just doesn't seem to get it.





	Tell Me Honestly (How You Feel)

Mark wiped sweat from his forehead as he and the rest of NCT U headed off the stage. Another successful performance of “Boss” had just finished up, and he felt pretty amazing. His and Taeyong’s rap had been just as good as usual, though the fleeting touches and glances were really starting to get to him.

 

 _At least I’m not doing a whole solo with him like Ten-hyung_ , he thought. “Baby Don’t Stop” was amazing, but Mark couldn’t imagine being alone with Taeyong for that long or dancing with him like that.

 

“Mark!”

 

_Speak of the devil._

Taeyong was running up to him, red hair askew and eyes bright as his smile. “Hey, you did so well this performance! You’re really getting the hang of this whole sexy thing.”

 

"Well, I learned from watching you," Mark answered with a nervous laugh, trying and failing to keep his eyes from tracing droplets of sweat as they slid down Taeyong's throat.

 

“Oh, stop. You’re such a flatterer.”

 

Behind him, Mark was sure he heard a couple groans and sighs from the other members of NCT U, but he kept his face straight, nodding instead as Taeyong smiled and put a gentle hand on his shoulder; the touch sent sparks up and down Mark’s arm, but he managed to stay still and quiet somehow.

 

“You’ve grown up so fast, Mark,” Taeyong said.

 

"Ah, yeah. I'm an adult now, you know? I can _do_ adult things."

 

“You’re right. Maybe we’ll take you drinking with the Super Junior hyungs soon.”

 

Mark felt his eye twitch and forced his lips into a smile. "Sounds great."

 

Lucas came up then, throwing an arm around Mark’s shoulders and grinning at Taeyong. “Hey, hyung. A bit of post-performance flirting, huh?”

 

Mark felt heat rise to his face.

 

_Shit._

 

But Taeyong just laughed. “Oh, yes. Mark and I, we flirt all the time. If I were a girl, I’m sure he would be _all over me_.”

 

_I want to be all over you right now._

 

Lucas narrowed his eyes, plump lips curling into a confused frown. "I thought Mark liked gu—"

 

"We're going to need this area clear for the next group," A stage coordinator interrupted, gesturing to the door leading to the green rooms.

 

Mark almost cried in relief.

 

Thankfully, Taeyong didn’t press any further as they headed back to the changing rooms. From there, it was just a short hop to the vans and back to their dorms, though Jungwoo and Doyoung seemed to have created a pact to make sure Mark sat next to Taeyong the whole time. Damn them. Taeyong kept touching his knee and leaning into him when he laughed, and Mark was about ready to have a goddamn conniption.

 

After what felt like the longest car ride of his life, they were finally back in the dorms. Mark had just finished showering and making his way to the kitchen to grab a drink when he ran into Taeyong and had the breath stolen from his lungs.

 

Mark had seen Taeyong without makeup on multiple times, but it never ceased to make his heart flutter. In full costume with bold eyeshadows and dark eyeliner or in a worn t-shirt and sweats completely bare-faced, Taeyong was still the most beautiful person Mark had ever met. Now, to make that even worse, he was sleepy, yawning a bit with one hand over his mouth, and he looked up at Mark with a soft smile.

 

“Hey, Mark. What’s up?”

 

Mark was pretty sure something went wrong in his brain, which is why he said, “You’re beautiful.”

 

Taeyong looked startled, deep brown eyes widening at the unexpected compliment. Mark noticed the blush creeping along the older man's cheeks and hope bubbled up in his chest. Then the older man laughed, and all Mark’s expectations shattered.

 

“Oh, Mark, you’re so sweet. I just took my make up off!”

 

Mark wanted to scream. "I really mean it, hyung. I—" He swallowed, feeling the same frustration he had been feeling the past few months well up in him once more. He was tired of not being taken seriously. "I think you're gorgeous, and I uh—what you said earlier about being a girl? Well, you don't have to be a girl for me to want to date you."

 

Taeyong laughed. “Stop it. You’re so funny. I know a lot of the members say I’m as pretty as a girl, but I have some manliness in me too!”

 

"What—? _No_ , I don't mean it like—" Mark struggled for the right words, but Taeyong shook his head and reached up to ruffle Mark's still damp hair.

 

"Anyways, It's time for bed now. We’ve got a big day ahead of us, so try not to be up too late on your phone alright?" And with that Taeyong was gone, ambling his way towards his bedroom and leaving Mark standing in the middle of the hallway.

 

_Did I just … get rejected …?_

 

Confused, unsure if he should feel heartbroken or not, and kind of in shock, Mark turned to head back to his room but ended up veering off toward the kitchen instead. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, or what he even _could_ do. His mind was blank as he plopped down in a chair at the bar and just stared at the ceiling.

 

"Dude, who shat in your cereal?"

 

Mark looked up blankly to see Haechan standing there, holding a box of crackers and shoveling handfuls into his mouth.

 

“… What?”

 

"You look like somebody killed your whole family and then took the batteries in the remote, you okay?"

 

“I think I was just rejected? But I’m not sure.”

 

Haechan nodded, attempting to hop up onto the counter without using his hands and failing. "Damn, finally confessed to Taeyong hyung, huh?"

 

"Kind of? I guess I really didn't— _wait_ , how did you—?"

 

Haechan raised an eyebrow in and clicked his tongue, firmly setting down his box of crackers. Mark didn't think the sound of cardboard hitting a countertop could sound so condescending.

 

"Literally everyone knows. You're so obvious it's _painful_." The younger man hauled himself onto the counter, shoving his hand inside the box beside him to scoop up a handful of crackers.

 

"Everyone?" Mark squeaked, horrified at the idea of the entire group knowing about his stupid crush on their leader.

 

Haechan gave him a look. "Even Jungwoo noticed."

 

Oh god.

 

“Yeah,” Haechan said, “You got it bad. Lucas told me what happened earlier too, after your performance of Boss. So, what did you say to Taeyong?”

 

“Well … that I thought he was beautiful, and that he didn’t have to be a girl for me to want to date him.”

 

“And?”

 

“Well, he said that I was funny, and that he might look girly sometimes but was still a man, or something?”

 

Haechan nodded. “Sounds to me like he’s a fucking idiot and he didn’t get it.”

 

"He's not..." Mark trailed off and sighed, letting his head drop back between his shoulders to stare up at the ceiling once more as if it could give him answers. "I just don't think he takes me seriously? Like, every time I compliment him or tell him that I like him he just goes 'awww, you're so sweet!' and pats me on the head like a kid."

 

“Because to him, you still _are_ a kid. You need to make him realize you’re an adult. As a matter of fact …” Haechan grinned. “I have a surefire way to convince him you’re all grown up.”

 

Mark narrowed his eyes at the other, unable to keep the dread out of his voice as he replied, "Oh really? And what would that be?"

 

“Just suck his dick.”

 

Mark sputtered and reached out on reflex to smack Haechan in the arm, ignoring the indignant squawk he got in return.

 

"What?! That's a _terrible_ idea!"

 

“Is it though? Are you sure? Like, what better way to show him you’re an adult than by doing adult things? Just ask Yuta!”

 

"Ask me what?" The man in question inquired, walking into the kitchen as if summoned by their conversation.

 

Haechan looked at Mark who just shrugged and rolled his eyes, turning to Yuta once more. "How did you manage to convince Winwin to finally give into your advances?"

 

“If you must know, I sucked his dick.”

 

Mark slammed his head down on the bar.

 

It was quiet for a while and then Yuta spoke up once more. "Confessing to Taeyong didn't go well I see."

 

“Nope,” Haechan answered, chewing loudly.

 

“Was he rejected?”

 

“Not really. Taeyong just didn’t take his confession seriously, so Mark’s feeling dejected.”

 

Yuta turned to Mark. “My advice? Do what I did. Suck his dick. He’ll get it after that.”

 

Haechan nodded. “That’s what _I_ said!”

 

"I literally hate the both of you so much right now," Mark groaned, slipping off the stool and snatching the box of crackers. "Whatever, I'm going to go smother myself. See you in the morning."

 

“Don’t say I never did anything for you!” Haechan said.

 

Mark waved him off, resisting the urge to flip the bird at the younger member, and trudged back to the room he shared with Jaehyun. He was hoping the older boy wouldn’t be there or would already be asleep, but his luck wasn’t that good. Jaehyun was lying in bed on his phone, but he looked up when Mark came in, his eyes narrowing.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Mark huffed, plopping down ungracefully onto his mattress. "How do you _always_ know?"

 

“It’s written all over your face.” Jaehyun sat up, setting his phone aside, and rested his chin in his hands. “Tell me what happened.”

 

Mark opened his mouth to explain but felt his breath hitch in his chest as the weight of heartbreak finally settled onto his chest. "I should just give up on Taeyong hyung. He probably just sees me as some sort of little bother, not as a man who loves—" He cut himself off, fighting back the urge to cry. "He just sees me as a little kid," he continued, digging his fingers into the flimsy cardboard of the box still clutched in his hands. "Maybe he doesn't see how much I like him because he doesn't want to see it? Or maybe he does and he's just trying to spare me the embarrassment of getting outright rejected."

 

Jaehyun leaned forward and put a hand on his knee. “Mark, look, I don’t think that’s it at all. I think … I think Taeyong has feelings for you too, but he feels guilty because for so long you _were_ like a little brother to him, but now you’re grown up. You’ve grown up, and he _noticed_.” He shook his head. “I don’t think you should give up on him. He probably just needs you to be a bit more straightforward.”

 

 _Like suck his dick?_ His mind supplied unhelpfully, and Jaehyun looked confused as Mark suddenly face-palmed, cheeks filling with blood.

 

"You're right, as always. Thank you." Mark gave Jaehyun a wobbly but genuine smile of gratitude. Jaehyun really did always know what to say to make him feel better.

 

“Of course. We really should go to bed now, though. We have a long schedule tomorrow.”

 

“Right.”

 

Jaehyun slid under the covers, and Mark got up to discard the box of crackers, unsure why he’d even grabbed it except to piss off Haechan. Then he got in bed as well, saying a quick goodnight to Jaehyun before the light was turned off.

 

 

 

 

 

In the week that followed, NCT Dream began promoting “Go”, giving Mark a chance to fucking breathe. He didn’t see Taeyong much during that time, which was good and bad. On the one hand, it was nice that he could spend his time _not_ freaking out about unrequited crushes; on the other, he missed Taeyong. He only got glimpses of him here and there—things like a quick “hello” and “how was your day”. But everything was fine, mostly.

 

Then they began filming for the “Touch” music video, and Mark’s whole life went to shit once more.

 

Mark found it _very_ hard to concentrate during their live stages, sometimes unable to tear his eyes away from the sweet smile that lit up Taeyong’s face as they performed. During their first performance, Mark's brain had all but shut off when they sidled up to each other during their duet in the second verse, and Mark went to put his arms around Taeyong. As they crowded in together, Mark realized that he had grown a bit and was _taller_ than Taeyong. Not by much, just enough that when they faced each other they were eye to eye, and all Mark needed to do was lean forward and press his lips against—

 

Anyway, it was safe to say that Mark continued to have difficulties during that particular part of the choreography. He never knew where to put his hands, and he couldn't help but cringe every time they went back and watched one of the recordings.

 

Could he be any more obvious?

 

Haechan elbowed him a couple times, grinning and making dick sucking motions with his tongue. Mark wanted to slap him.

 

“Mark!” Taeyong exclaimed.

 

“Y-yes?”

 

“Your rap sounds so good in this live.” The elder’s smile was like the sun. Mark smiled stupidly back, earning yet another elbow from Haechan.

 

“Thanks, hyung.”

 

“Of course.” Taeyong sidled closer, throwing an arm around Mark’s shoulders. “Oh, wow, you’ve gotten a bit taller, huh? Anyway, I was going to say I’ve missed seeing you around. I’m glad we can perform together for these promotions again.”

 

Mark wanted to die. “Me too, hyung.”

 

“Good! Then would you want to go get some dinner with me and some of the Super Junior hyungs? I think a few EXO members will be there too. Joonmyun, at the least; he’s always there. He drinks all the soju.”

 

_Oh no._

 

Taeyong and alcohol was a dangerous combination, and Mark didn't know if his heart couldn't handle how Taeyong got when tipsy. He mustered up his most apologetic smile and threw an arm around Haechan's shoulders, ignoring the raised eyebrow he got from the younger boy in return.

 

"Ah, sorry hyung. Haechan and I had plans tonight so..."

 

“Those plans were just cancelled for very important reasons,” Haechan interrupted, shrugging off Mark’s arm. “Looks like Mark is free!”

 

_I fucking hate him._

 

“Oh.” Where Taeyong had looked dejected, he now brightened, his smile blinding in its brilliance. “Wonderful. Is that okay, Mark?”

 

“I. Guess. So.” Mark replied through gritted teeth.

 

"Perfect! Make sure you dress warm, it'll be chilly out tonight." Taeyong said as he ruffled both Mark's and Haechan's hair and left. Mark sent a withering glare at Haechan who only cackled in reply.

 

After they returned to the dorm, Taeyong grabbed Mark, along with Taeil and Ten, and the four of them went to meet the Super Junior hyungs at the restaurant. Donghae, Hyukjae, Siwon, Heechul, and Jungsu were already there, plus Joonmyun and Chanyeol from EXO. All of them gave a warm greeting to Taeyong and Taeil, who were apparently regulars to this sort of thing, and then introductions were given to Mark and Ten.

 

“You’re from Canada?” Donghae asked Mark.

 

"Ah, yeah. Vancouver," Mark answered, he had met the Super Junior members quite a few times during his time in SM, but he was still a bit nervous talking to them one on one. Taeyong had immediately fallen into comfortable conversation with everyone, and was currently discussing the “Boss” choreography with Hyukjae who seemed completely unperturbed with the way Donghae was draped alone his side, chin resting on his shoulder.

 

Mark felt a pang of jealously that he quickly tried to mush down. Donghae and Hyukjae had been a couple for as long as Mark had been in the company. It was an unspoken fact that didn't really take long to figure out. If you were around the older men while they were together for more than a couple minutes, you could feel their chemistry; it was electric.

 

His eyes drifted to Taeyong for a moment, catching the elder’s gaze mid-laugh at something Hyukjae had said. Taeyong sent a cheeky wink at Mark and returned to the conversation, unaware of the painful squeeze he just caused in the younger man's chest.

 

“Mark?” Donghae asked, bringing him back to reality. “Is something wrong?”

 

“Oh! No, nothing. Sorry.”

 

Donghae glanced at Hyukjae, then at Taeyong. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

 

"It's—what?" Mark asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

 

“Him. Taeyong. You’ve got it bad.”

 

Mark felt his face grow hot. He stammered out a denial, but before he could really formulate any true sentences, Taeyong suddenly got up and stumbled over to him. Mark tensed. This was the Taeyong he had been terrified of—drunk Taeyong was a clingy Taeyong, and Mark’s heart was not prepared for it.

 

“Ahh, Mark~” Taeyong drawled, hanging over Mark’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around the younger man’s neck, “You’re so cute. Did you know that?”

 

Hyukjae snorted into his hand.

 

“O-oh?” Mark bit out.  


“Yeah. Like, really cute. Wow.”

 

“Hyung, I think maybe you should stop drinking.”

 

“What? No! I’m fine.”

 

“ _Really_. Maybe you should go to the bathroom.”

 

Taeyong let out an overly dramatic sigh and _pouted_. "When did you get so mature, huh? Where did my cute little Mark go?" Mark felt Taeyong so still for a moment, arms tight around Mark's shoulders as he murmured, barely loud enough for Mark to hear. "When did you grow up?"

 

Before Mark could even fathom a reply, Taeyong straightened back up and had that sunny smile, albeit a little more wobbly than usual, back on his alcohol flushed face. "You're right though, I'll be back. Don't have too much fun while I'm gone!" He wiggled his fingers in a little wave and giggled, turning on his heel and shuffling his way to the restaurant’s bathroom.

 

Mark couldn’t breathe.

 

“Wow,” Hyukjae said. “That was ... _wow._ ”

 

“Help me,” Mark begged.

 

"Have you _told_ him?" Hyukjae asked.

 

Mark pushed a hand through his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. "Sort of? Like, I told him he was beautiful and implied that I would want to date him? I thought that was a pretty straightforward."

 

Donghae shook his head. “For someone like _him_ , you’re going to need to do a lot more than that.”

 

“Like him?” Mark echoed. “What do you mean?”

 

“He’s in denial.”

 

“… Denial?”

 

“He has feelings for you,” Hyukjae interjected. “It’s really obvious, especially after that little scene just now. What was it he whispered to you? That you’ve grown up?”

 

Mark felt his face go hot again. “I—no, he doesn’t feel like that. Why would he? I’m just his silly dongsaeng. He doesn’t even realize when I’m trying to confess to him!”

 

Donghae raised an eyebrow. "He certainly doesn't look at you like you're his dongsaeng."

 

Hyukjae nodded, looking a little exasperated as he spoke next. "No kidding, I had to get his attention a couple times during our conversation because he kept staring at you and getting distracted. At first, I thought he was staring at your cup to make sure you weren't drinking anything you weren't supposed to, but I realized pretty quick that he was looking at something else when I saw his eyes follow your hands as you fiddled with something."

 

“What?” Mark glanced over his shoulder, making sure Taeyong wasn’t back from the bathroom before he said in a stage-whisper, “Taeyong-hyung was _watching me_?”

 

“More than watching,” Donghae said.

 

“Staring,” Hyukjae added matter-of-factly.

 

“But …” Mark trailed off. None of this made any sense. If Taeyong liked him, why was he pretending not to, and like Mark _hadn’t_ confessed to him?

 

“He’s in denial,” Donghae said again, “That’s why he’s ignoring your advances.”

 

Hyukjae added, “Though he is a bit oblivious too. I don’t think he realizes you feel the same, so he writes off your confessions and everything to just skinship and playfulness.”

 

Mark was speechless. The whole situation just sounded so _ridiculous_.

 

Donghae sighed then and patted Mark's shoulder sympathetically. "It'll work out eventually though; I had almost the same problem with Hyukjae. I thought I was being pretty obvious, but he doesn't take hints very easily." He ginned at Hyukjae who leveled him with a glare.

 

"If you had just _said_ something from the beginning we wouldn't have danced around each other for _years._ I thought you were just being affectionate!"

 

Donghae laughed and wrapped his arms around Hyukjae, and the grumpy look he had on melted away into a gummy smile. Mark felt his heart throb inside of his ribcage.

 

"How did you eventually get it through to each other?" Mark asked.

 

“Well,” Donghae said, “I went to Heechul-hyung and asked for his advice, and he basically got mad at me. Said he was tired of us both coming to him about our feelings for each other. He told me, in as many words, that I should just suck Hyukjae’s dick.”

 

Mark’s mouth fell open.

 

“And he did,” Hyukjae said proudly.

 

Taeyong chose that moment to come back, squeezing himself between Mark and Siwon—who had been sitting next to him but engaged in a very intense conversation with Joonmyun the entire night. Mark had only caught bits of it that sounded like mostly business talk, so he tuned out it out pretty easily. Taeyong giggled as he almost fell off the bench and Mark let out a long-suffering sigh, putting his arms around the older man to keep him seated.

 

"C'mon, hyung, time to go home."

 

Taeyong's whine of protest was muffled as his head lolled onto Mark's shoulder, his nose squished against the juncture of Mark's neck.

 

Both Donghae and Hyukjae sent him pitying looks, and in that moment Mark really wish he had just stayed in Canada. He supported Taeyong up off the bench, gesturing at Taeil and Ten that it was time to go, and the four of them called a cab back to the dorm where the elders all immediately collapsed, smelling of soju and giggling about nothing.

 

“Rough night?” Haechan called out.

 

“Fuck you,” Mark replied.

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning was a bit chaotic. Their schedules were a little all over the place with some members having things to do and others having the day off. Taeil looked worse for wear as he had to baby his hangover while getting ready for the day, and he and Taeyong both cursed Ten who looked completely unaffected despite having drank the most the night before.

 

Mark mercifully didn't have anything to do that day and spent most of the time in his room, chatting with Jaehyun—he appreciated it when the older man tried to conceal his laughter after Mark recounted his conversation with Hyukjae and Donghae—and messing around on his phone. Eventually he ventured out into the living room where everyone was discussing what to do for dinner. But after no one volunteered to cook, they eventually decided to just go out.

 

"You guys go have fun, I'm going to try and catch a bit more sleep." Taeyong said, looking a lot better than he had this morning but still a bit rough.

 

“Are you sure, hyung?” Chenle asked.

 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine.” He shuffled off to his room, leaving the other members to shrug and scurry off to the foyer to get their shoes. Mark hung back, unsure.

 

“I think I’ll stay behind too,” he said finally.

 

Haechan wolf-whistled.

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Are you not feeling well either?” Jaemin asked.

 

“I’m fine. I just have some stuff I need to do.”

 

Everyone exchanged knowing looks and Mark just wanted to bury himself underneath the floorboards. Eventually they all filed put of the dorm, promising to bring food back for him and Taeyong.

 

The door shut, and there was silence. Mark looked towards Taeyong's room but turned away and headed towards the kitchen. He needed to psych himself up for what he was about to do.

 

Mark opened the fridge and eyed the bottles of soju tucked in the back of the shelf; he dismissed the thought and plucked out a can of coke instead. This was important. He needed to be in control of his actions.

 

Mark stood there, leaned up against the counter, sipping at his drink for a good fifteen minutes. When he knew he couldn't prolong it anymore, he chucked the can in the recycling and made his way towards Taeyong's room. He felt bad for disturbing the older man when he was sleeping, but he needed to get this out. He needed to confess his feelings for the older man clearly before the pain in his chest swallowed him whole.

 

He took in a deep breath, trying to calm his frayed nerves as stood in front of Taeyong's door.

 

This was it.

 

He lifted his hand and rapped his knuckles softly against the door. He was afraid it was too light and went to knock again, only to stop when he heard Taeyong's voice through the door.

 

“… Mark.”

 

_He said my name? Is he awake? Does that mean I can go in?_

Mark took hold of the door handle and twisted it, pushing the door open and poking his head in. "Hey, hyung. Sorry for waking you up—"

 

Mark froze, eyes widening at the image displayed in front of him.

 

Taeyong sat on his bed, legs dangling over the edge, pants and underwear pooled on the ground at his feet. He had one hand around his cock and his head tilted back, his shirt bunched up along his chest to show off the lean curve of his torso and the cut of his abs. Sweat beaded at the edges of his faded-red hair as he jerked himself off, mumbling incoherently. He hadn’t seemed to notice he was no longer alone.

 

Mark didn’t know what to do.

 

“Mark, _ah_ …” Taeyong gasped, his head lolling to the side as his eyes fluttered open. Then he caught sight of Mark and went still.

 

They stood there, watching each other for a few moments, Taeyong's heavy breathing echoing in the space between them. Mark couldn't help but stare, lip tucked between his teeth as he drank in the sinful image of his longtime crush.

 

There were a couple things that happened next. In retrospect, Mark was quite proud of how calm he had been. He stepped into the room fully and closed the door behind him, eyes trained on Taeyong the entire time. Next, he strode towards the bed, looming over Taeyong who had remained frozen in place, hand loosely gripping his still hard cock.

 

"Hyung." He mentally patted his own back as his voice came out clear as he spoke. "Would you like some help with that?"

 

Taeyong blanched, his face going red, and leaned back a bit. “I—yes?”

 

That's all Mark needed. He dropped to his knees and pushed himself between Taeyong's legs that willingly spread to accommodate him. He licked his lips, taking in the pale, flushed skin in front of him. He wanted to suck bruises into Taeyong's thighs, wanted to press handprints into his hips. He _wanted._

 

He lifted his gaze once more to Taeyong's face as he reached up, fingers brushing against the ones around Taeyong's cock and up to a pale wrist. He took hold of Taeyong's wrist, pulling it until he let go of himself. Then he wrapped his own fingers around Taeyong's erect length with his free hand, delighting in how it felt perfect and warm against his palm.

 

“Mark,” Taeyong breathed, “I …” the sentence trailed off, whatever he’d been about to say lost in a low groan as Mark gave a few experimental tugs. Taeyong’s thin fingers fisted in the duvet on his bed, and his eyes fluttered shut, pretty lashes standing out against pale skin. “ _Please_.”

 

Mark couldn't deny Taeyong anything.

 

Gripping Taeyong at the base of his cock, Mark lifted himself up a little higher on his knees and pressed forward, licking a long stripe up the underside. Taeyong went rigid in response, his free hand automatically reaching up to grasp at Mark’s brown curls and _tug_. The younger man moaned a bit at the sensation of those long fingers pulling at the strands of his hair. It felt good, having Taeyong touch him like this—so good. He let his tongue drag over the head, gathering up the pre-come that beaded up and groaned at the taste. Everything about Taeyong was fucking _perfect_ , and Mark couldn't get enough.

 

Taeyong let out a strangled noise, his dark eyes opening to focus on Mark. “ _Tease_ ,” he growled, his fingers tightening, pulling the hair taut against Mark’s scalp.

 

Mark couldn’t help the playful smirk he gave in response. “This is payback, hyung.”

 

"Payback for wh— _ah!_ ” His sentence was cut off as Mark chose that moment to finally wrap his lips around the tip and suck lightly. Satisfaction curled low in Mark's belly, and he could feel himself already hard in his own joggers.

 

He ignored himself for the moment and focused on Taeyong, pulling in a deep breath through his nose and sinking farther onto the older man's cock, jaw widening to accompany the girth. He bobbed his head a couple of times, pulling back to catch his breath and lap at the head before taking him back in. He repeated this over and over, taking in a bit more every time.

 

The whole time, Taeyong gasped and moaned, head tilted back, fingers grasping at Mark’s hair as if to anchor himself to reality. His legs shook, and Mark took the chance to spread them a bit farther, one hand still holding onto Taeyong’s wrist, rubbing it absently.

 

“Mark, M- _Mark_ , hahh.”

 

Mark couldn't contain the guttural noise that rumbled in his chest, muffled by Taeyong's cock in his mouth. His name had always sounded so sweet on Taeyong's lips, but it sounded even better when it was being moaned.

 

He pressed Taeyong's wrist into the mattress in a silent command to keep it there before letting go. He continued to bob his head as he curled his now free hand around Taeyong's hip, squeezing and thumbing at the vee outline of his muscles, and trailed it lower, nails scraping against his inner thighs, stopping when he was just shy of Taeyong's opening. Mark looked up through his lashes, a clear question in his eyes.

 

“Go ahead,” Taeyong breathed, his eyes wide and a little unsure but trusting.

 

Mark pulled off Taeyong completely but continued to brush his lips along the side of his shaft as his fingers continued their descent, the dry pad of his middle fingers dragging along the puckered rim of Taeyong's entrance.

 

He felt himself throb in his underwear. He had imagined himself in this very position more times than he could count, but nothing compared to the real thing. Taeyong whimpered a little but didn’t pull away; if anything, he opened himself wider, relaxed and waiting for Mark. It was everything the younger male had ever fantasized. But honestly, he never thought he’d get here. Now, circling Taeyong’s rim with his finger, he felt that everything in his life was finally starting to come together.

 

Unable to withstand any longer, Mark finally reached down to grip himself through his clothes, moaning at the small bit of relief. He slips his hand past the band of his underwear, hips jerking his fingers come into contact with the sensitive flesh of his erection.

 

The sound Mark made seemed to bring Taeyong back to reality, and the older male reached down to grab at his shoulders. “Up,” he said, “Up here.”

 

Confused, Mark pushed himself to his feet, knees aching from where he sat on the hard floor, and found himself being pulled onto the bed and close enough to kiss Taeyong. His face heated up and he almost laughed at himself. _I just sucked his dick and now I’m blushing at the thought of kissing him?_

"I-I want—" Taeyong bit his lip and Mark followed the older man’s gaze to the tent in his pants. Taeyong reached out and tugged at the fabric and Mark understood. He slid off the bed long enough to shuck his pants and underwear off, pausing and taking off his shirt as well. Pride swelled in his chest at the way Taeyong's eyes dilated as he stripped, watching a breath catch in the older man's sculpted chest when his eyes connected with Mark's hardness.

 

It gave Mark the confidence he needed to crawl back onto the bed, pushing Taeyong until his back was flat against the wall behind him. Mark took a hold of Taeyong's thighs and _lifted_ , pulling him onto his lap and caging him against the wall.

 

Taeyong’s breath hitched again as he grabbed onto Mark’s shoulders with one hand and his cock with the other. “Tell me if this feels good,” he said, slowly beginning to drag his hand along the heated flesh.

 

Mark groaned and let head drop onto Taeyong's shoulder.

 

"It feels— _fuck_ , that feels good, hyung."

 

Taeyong swallowed hard. “Good.”

 

He continued to slowly pump his hand, loosening his fingers on the down stroke and tightening when he pulled them back up, reveling in the small noises Mark made in response.

 

Mark turned his head to trail kisses along Taeyong's throat, working his way upwards until his lips were pressed against Taeyong's ear.

 

"I've wanted this for so long, hyung. Wanted _you_."

 

Taeyong’s face flushed. “Me … me too. I just …” he trailed off, biting his lip. “I didn’t know how to tell you, I … I’m sorry.”

 

Mark shook his head, pulling back to peer into that beautiful face. Taeyong's eyes held that telltale glossiness, and Mark wanted to kiss the tears away. So he did.

 

Taeyong's lips were soft, pressing shyly but enthusiastically against his own as they kissed. Mark's heart fluttered in a happiness he never though he'd come to know. Taeyong yielded easily as Mark slanted their mouths together to deepen the kiss, tongues meeting and curling into each other, stealing the breath from Mark's lungs. Taeyong began pumping his hand again, pulling more noises from Mark’s lips even as he grabbed at the younger’s shoulder with his other hand and _squeezed_.

 

“I need—” he breathed, “I _need_ you.”

 

Mark wasted no time in reaching between their bodies and taking hold of Taeyong once more. He matched the dancer’s pace, pausing to swipe his fingers along the tip every so often and delighting in the little shutters and cries it got him every time. Mark returned his attention to Taeyong's neck, peppering kisses alone the pale column of his throat, wishing that they weren't always in the public eye so he could sink his teeth into the soft flesh and leave marks.

 

"Fuck, hyung. You're so beautiful." Mark groaned, hips bucking up into the hand working him oh so _right_. "You're so good."

 

Taeyong shuddered. “Mark … I, _god_ , I need more … more …”

 

Mark swallowed hard, his mind going blank for a moment. Lee Taeyong was _begging_ , begging for _him_. It was everything he’d ever wanted and more. For a moment, he couldn’t believe this was happening, and then reality returned and Taeyong was kissing him again—more insistently this time, groaning into the contact as they continued to touch each other.

 

Their kisses were clumsy, spit-slicked and _filthy_. Taeyong kissed like he danced, passionate and free of limitations. He took what he wanted, sucking on Mark's tongue and frequently biting down on the younger man's bottom lip. Mark knew his lips were going to be red and raw after this and he wouldn't have had it any other way.

 

Mark could feel the tight coil in his abdomen edging him closer and closer to release with every expert flick of Taeyong's wrist. He sped up his own pace along Taeyong’s cock, dragging fingers over the tip and back down to the base, tightening his grip and letting his thumb drag precum down along the underside.

 

“ _God,_ f-fuck,” Taeyong cursed.

 

"You like that?" Mark heard himself saying, voice rough with use and the earlier abuse to his throat. He'd have trouble speaking the day after, but he couldn't stop the words continued to flow from his lips. "You're so pretty like this, hyung. Panting and clinging to me."

 

Taeyong whimpered. “I-I’ve wanted this for so long, I— _ah_.”

 

Mark’s toes curled. The now-constant reminder that Taeyong had been wanting him too, for a long time, was almost too much to handle. He felt himself getting closer, so close.

 

He brought their mouths together once more, this time gentler. Taeyong attempted to quicken the pace but Mark stubbornly moved his lips slowly until Taeyong gave in with a soft whimper. The kiss was languid, bordering on innocent, and Mark could feel the older man melt into it. Mark poured all of his feelings into it, every fond memory, all the time he spent admiring Taeyong from afar. The pure happiness and satisfaction of finally being able to touch him the way he'd been wanting to for far too long. Taeyong seemed to understand, his whole body shuddering as it clearly affected him much more than any of their previous kisses had.

 

This time, neither broke the kiss, continuing it even as they stroked each other nearer to completion. Mark wanted nothing more than this—to have Taeyong in his arms always. The song NCT Dream promoted a year earlier came back to him, whispering in his mind. _My first and last._

"Hyung," He groaned into kiss, his hips bucking up into Taeyong's hand. "I-I'm—"

 

“Me too, _ah_.” Taeyong quickened his pace a bit, leaning into Mark, eyes closed and head tilted as the kiss deepened with the approach of the end. Mark could feel himself nearly there, about to lose it, his own rhythm on Taeyong falling apart.

 

"Fuck, _fuck._ Hyung— _Taeyong_. I love you." Mark moaned, the muscles in his thighs and abdomen tensing as his orgasm rolled into him in waves.

 

Taeyong’s eyes widened. But before he could say anything, he was gasping, his free hand flying up to grab Mark’s shoulder and _squeezing_. Mark kept his gaze on the older male, desperate not to look away, wanting to see every gasp, every shudder, every flinch and hear every whimper from Taeyong as he climaxed, his come spilling over his fingers and splattering along Mark’s chest.

 

He pumped Taeyong's cock through his orgasm, drawing it out as long as he could until the older man stuttered out a soft ' _No more_.’

 

Mark removed his hand but brought it up to his lips, licking a long strip across his knuckles to clean up the streaks of Taeyong's cum that clung to them. He knew it was unnecessary but the hot flush on Taeyong's face he got in response was well worth it.

 

“That … wow,” Taeyong gasped. “Who taught you how to … do all that?”

 

Mark had the decency to look bashful. "The internet."

 

“ _Really?_ ”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Taeyong stared at him a moment. “And … the confession?”

 

Mark wanted to retreat, backtrack and say that it was just him babbling in the heat of the moment. But he had already gotten this far and Taeyong hadn't rejected him—hell, he had caught the older man moaning his name while masturbating. Good chances his feelings might be returned, right?

 

"I, uh. I've liked you for a really long time, hyung. I've been trying to tell you but I don't think you understood. I stayed back today to tell you plainly but, well ... " He looked down at the drying cum between their bodies and back up to Taeyong's face. "I kind of got sidetracked?"

 

“Oh, yeah, well, that’s understandable.” Taeyong’s face was still red. “I … I’ve liked you for a long time too, but—well, like I said before, I just didn’t know how to tell you. You were my _dongsaeng_ , you know, and you used to be this cute little kid but now … now you’re all grown up, and I didn’t know how to make sense of my—my feelings.”

 

Mark reached out with his clean hand and weaved their fingers together, pressing his lips against their criss-crossed knuckles. Mark could already hear the cacophonies of 'I told you so's' coming his way but he pushed that thought away for now. The only thing that mattered right now was the beautiful man still curled up in his lap.

 

"I said like but, I meant what I said before hyung. I--" He took in a measured breath, all the words he's been keeping inside of himself falling sweetly from his kiss bruised lips. "I love you. A lot. This isn't some silly crush, I've been thinking about this for a long time and I honestly couldn't imagine my life without you."

 

Taeyong broke into a smile rivaling the ones on their “Touch” stages, squeezing Mark’s hand. “I love you, too.”

 

All the tension Mark didn't realize he had been holding in his body suddenly drained out of him and he flopped forward with a relieved groan that was muffled against the smooth skin of Taeyong's shoulder. "Cool, awesome. I can die happy now. It's been a real treat, just end me now, I don't think it can get any better than this."

 

Taeyong laughed, untangling their fingers so he could bring his hand up and stroke Mark’s hair. “Don’t say that. I need you here.” His other hand, still sticky with come, was balanced on his leg between them. Mark thought he would be embarrassed being so exposed, but he just felt warm and safe and happy.

 

Mark huffed, turning his head to nuzzle into Taeyong's neck. " ... Say it again."

 

“The ‘I love you’ or ‘I need you’ part?”

 

“Both.”

 

Taeyong put a finger under Mark’s chin, tilting his head back. Mark felt dizzy; he could never reconcile the charismatic and sexy Taeyong with the soft, easy-to-tears Taeyong. The two flopped back and forth until he felt like he would get whiplash, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

“Hey,” Taeyong said, “I love you, and I need you here.”

 

Mark surged forward, sealing their lips in a fiery kiss. He pulled back enough to grumble out a breathless ' _you're going to be the death of me_ ' before pressing forward once more. Without breaking their kiss, he wrapped his arms around the older man's waist and rolled them until he was on his back and Taeyong was straddling him.

 

"Think we can go again before the guys get home?"

 

Taeyong laughed. “I think that can be arranged.”

 

 

 

 

 

Haechan barged into the dorm, holding a couple boxes of takeout aloft. “Mark-hyung! Taeyong-hyung! We brought food!”

 

Taeyong and Mark, situated on the couch in front of the TV, looked up from where they’d been talking in low voices, and Taeyong smiled.

 

“Oh, good. I was just getting hungry.”

 

Haechan paused, eyes narrowing at the two of them. Mark's face remained impassive but he the growing smirk on the maknae's face told him that he _knew_. Mark was doomed. Haechan set down the boxes of takeout and pointed at them.

 

“I knew it.”

 

Taeyong blinked. “What?”

 

“I _knew_ it!”

 

“I think we all knew it, Haechan,” Ten said with a halfhearted sigh. “They weren’t exactly subtle.”

 

Mark sighed, leaning back into the couch and wrapping his arm around Taeyong's shoulders. There really was no point in hiding it.

 

"Wait— _everyone_ knew?" Taeyong squeaked, his face brightening to a shade alarmingly close to his hair color.

 

"I wasn't kidding when I said I'd been crushing on you for a while," Mark said, accepting one of the takeout boxes from a smug looking Haechan.

 

“So, did you do it?” Haechan asked.

 

Mark huffed. “Not because you told me to!”

 

“So you _did_!”

 

Taeyong looked even more embarrassed than before. “What? Do what?”

 

"Hey, has anyone seen my—Oh, Mark! Did you end up sucking Taeyong's dick yet?" Yuta stopped in his tracks once his eyes fell on the leader in question who had been partially hidden from view behind Mark. "Oh, _woops_."

 

“ _Guys!_ ” Taeyong’s eyes were wide, his face now the shade of his hair, a bright pinkish-red. He turned to Mark, his tone accusing. “Did you plan this?”

 

“No!”

 

Yuta shook his head. “Nah, we just gave him advice on how to get you to understand his feelings.”

 

“The majority of that advice being to suck your dick,” Haechan offered.

 

Mark buried his face in his hands. “I hate you all.”

 

"In the end, you got your rocks off, and now we don't need to watch you guys pining after each other pathetically. It's a win-win if you ask me," Johnny said from the kitchen.

 

Taeyong looked as if he was going to say more, but then he sighed, shaking his head. Mark took his hand and squeezed it, thankful for the squeeze he got in return. The advice he got may have been ridiculous at the time, and Mark never would have imagined it would work out the way it did, but he couldn’t deny the fact that it had _worked_.

 

With a sigh, Mark caught Haechan’s gaze. “You were right.”

 

Haechan cackled. “I’m always right.”

 

After some more ribbing between them, eventually everyone had retreated to their own rooms, leaving Taeyong and Mark on the couch to tuck into their food.

 

A comfortable silence settled over them. Mark peeked up every now and then to watch Taeyong take neat little bites. At one point, Taeyong caught his eyes; any other time before that night, Mark would have looked away, embarrassed. Instead, he held Taeyong's gaze. The look they shared was intense, humming with words left unspoken because they didn't need to be said. They knew how each other felt now, no more second guessing, no more misunderstanding.

 

Mark smiled, cheeks stuffed with food and Taeyong laughed beautifully, failing at hiding his blinding smile behind a delicate hand. Mark decided he could deal with Haechan's bragging if it meant that he could see that smile directed towards him for the rest of his life.


End file.
